Monday, July 9, 2012

9Jul12 - back at it again

I picked Kim up at 0600 this morning and we went to Pineview.  I need to start swimming and training again but wasn't sure how much I've recovered from Catalina.  I decided to do the buoy route and if I felt good, I'd add on some more.  Kim was up for anything so she said the buoy was fine.  Pulled up to see Gordon already there. 
Water felt good.  We did one buoy route then saw Gords on the shore ready to leave.  Chatted with him for a min then I wanted to do a bit more.  Swam to the first buoy and back.  Ended with 1.56 miles.
My right shoulder is still not 100% yet.  It doesn't give pain when I swim but I can definitely feel a tiny TIGHT spot in it.  It did feel really good to swim again.  Even though I needed this time off to recover, I did miss the feel of the water. 
According to my GPS, I was averaging a 28 min mile.  This actually surprised me considering I wasn't putting much effort into today.  I just focused on the feel of the water and good stroke technique.  I also only wanted to do 1 mile and went 1.56 miles.  This made me happy too considering I thought the swim felt REALLY short and was over quickly.  Not bad for my first day "back".
I've been in a SEVERE mental funk the past week.  The dust has settled from my swim and the full gravity of it all being over set in.  I am not handling it well.  I've been in a depression for several days now and have kinda shut myself off from the world.  It has been a struggle to get anything done besides sitting in bed crying all day.  I've talked with others who have come up short on a channel swim and they said they went through the same thing.  One friend of mine just came up short on a channel swim and it is easy to see that they aren't doing that great either.  The emotional toll of not finishing was more than I expected.  I'm healing but it's definitely a journey.  Today was a big help.  It felt good to be in the water even though it drummed up memories of Catalina and what could have been.  It's all part of the healing process.
Even though I don't really need to train for cold water anymore for awhile, I STILL prefer cold showers. 

1.56 miles OW


  1. Sorry to hear you are having a rough time. I am in awe of what you were able to do and the fact that you didn't make it to shore does not diminish your accomplishment AT ALL in my mind.

    Glad to hear you are recovering and back in the water!

  2. Everyone processes things in their own way and in their own time. This is an experience that only you uniquely experienced in that water, on that day and I can see why that would feel very lonely. In this case nobody truly understands how you feel, what you went through.

    When I went through a period of severe depression I learned a lot about myself and learned to empathize with others in a new way. It was brutal but also a real refining period of my life. All I can suggest is get a journal that you may or may not burn at the end of writing it. ;)

    Just be patient and push on through. We are all proud of you!